I have a really unhealthy relationship with alcohol, I mean don’t get me wrong I’m not an alcoholic (said the alcoholic) I don’t wake up in the morning needing a drink, but it has almost become necessary to have a good time in social situations. I know I am not alone in this, many men will feel the same, as a guy you are expected to drink when out with your friends, try telling your mates “listen lads I’m not drinking tonight” I can almost picture the disgust on their faces, it doesn’t matter which friend either virtually everyone of them would react the same, but why is this? Can I only be fun if I have had a drink inside me? If so why is that? Am I not confident enough in my own skin with who I am that I can be fun without the need for chemical enhancement.
I have been wrestling with the idea of going tea total for some time now, it was on my recent holiday to Spain when after a heavy night, and when I say heavy I mean enough alcohol to probably kill a horse! The day after an nursing one of the worst hangovers I’ve experienced, I’m wrestling with the thoughts in my head “what is it all for” I have been on somewhat of a health awakening recently, changing my lifestyle dropping weight and generally feeling better about myself, yet I’ve completely wasted a days holiday dying on the sun lounger, unable to do anything in the gym, I can’t even walk to the bar for water… “I’m never drinking again” I’m sure you’ve heard all your friends or family members utter it at some point in their life’s, some of them weekly, but on this day something seems a little different.
It’s not that I want to stop the partying, hell no I love that! I love meeting new people in new places I am seeing; heck it gives me something to write about! Even at the ripe old age if 37 I feel like I have plenty left in the tank, however I am now contemplating, can I still have these interactions sober, that confidence you get from alcoholic, surely as a confident man with my shit together I shouldn’t need it.
Speaking to my friends about this they tell me, we’ll why don’t you just have a few instead… the problem is I’m either red or black, all in or all out, I don’t do anything by halves and once I’ve had a few sips of alcohol the Jägers start to flow then you just try getting me off that horse! I’m riding all the way and checking into hangover town and the cycle continues.
My wife tells me off regularly for my drinking “you’ve got to think of your health” and of course as much as I hate to admit it, she’s right, I haven’t been blessed with the best health and I’ve had some struggles these past years which alcohol certainly won’t of helped, I once drank so much in Thailand that it put me in hospital, to which my doctor back home told me “I was mental” but I think I’ve needed to come to the decision to quit drinking naturally, know when the time is right rather than force myself to give up on something which frankly I’ve loved.
Can I do it? Can I give it up? those that no me you’ll probably read this and think “don’t be stupid, of course you can’t” but lets watch this space.