Lily Walford #Ep25 – International Dating Coach

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-hkriv-11772dc

Lily Walford – International Dating Coach – Dating with a twist. Get your notepads ready lads, Lily is here to talk about dating into today’s world and give some pointers on how to approach people.

People Watching.. 

I’m not much of a people watcher, my brain usually works at 100 MPH thinking about this or that, I don’t often pay much mind to what others are doing, but today is different. I have some time to kill this afternoon having just finished writing a blog I found myself without anything else on my list to write about. I am currently sitting in the hotel lobby and found myself just observing the movement of others, it’s fascinating I can see why others do it with more frequency. 

So many people pass by one another daily and yet nearly all of them will remain strangers, people will walk within a few feet of one another and not even make eye contact, or worse look right through one another. I suppose it’s easier to do in a place like this where there are so many people coming and going, but I think we all lose out when we don’t take the time to notice others. 

I wonder, is it fear or ignorance that we ignore others? I think as people we are so quick to judge others, we make a snap judgment based on what? how somebody looks? the way they carry themselves… I wonder, if we took more time to speak to strangers would our lives be more fulfilled? However you cant just walk up to somebody you don’t know and ask them how their day is going and where are they from can you? I mean, ordinarily, if somebody did that to me I would find it quite strange “who is this random person talking to me and what do they want” but… why not? why is it so strange? we would do it in a professional setting, at a business conference that’s called working the room or networking, but here in a social setting it’s considered anomalous. 

There are people in this hotel lobby from all corners of the world, imagine what we could learn from one another if we were just a little more open-minded and more willing to engage in conversation with people from a different background, I suppose this is the case in all walks of life, political discussion for example is a place where most live in echo chambers only hearing sides of the argument that confirms there own thoughts and suspicions. I can’t help but think the more you listen to the other side of an argument, take a different perspective, talk to somebody you have no business talking too, then as a race we will start to take giant leaps forward. Humans stick to tribes as a way of self preservation its the way it has always always been, it just seems that everybody’s tribe seems to have gotten a whole heap smaller over the years, so that actually when we strip it back, these days people tribe is a tribe of one, oneself. 

I wonder what people think about me when they look at me, not knowing me.. its an interesting contemplation. 

So, next time you find yourself with a bit of time to kill and somebody you don’t know pulls up next to you or catches eyes with you, ask them “how is there day”. since starting Nobody Cares About Dad I have had conversations with people from all over the world, all different backgrounds, it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. 

Peaceful thoughts,

“I wouldn’t stay here again out of 10”

Although we only booked this holiday a short time ago, it feels like we have been waiting for this holiday for a lifetime, im not sure why that happens but as soon as you officially have something booked the sands of time seem to flow with the momentum of a 100 year old giant tortoise.

The day we have been both anticipating and dreading equally has finally hit us, 6:30am drive to the airport to dump our bags with the airlines “always cheery” staff. I say anticipating and dreading because whilst of course I cannot wait for this holiday to begin, I am also travelling with a toddler for the first time for a considerable amount of time.

I know there will be tantrums and tears (and thats just from me) but I’m also hoping for a lot of laughs, beautiful moments and memories that we can all look back on with fondness.

There is something about the airport that just brings out the worst in people, unfortunately for us its unleashed the monster within our three year old, he terrorised us for the full 3 hours we had to wait at the airport, he has had tantrums . He has cried hysterically, screamed (literally) and all for no apparent reason whatsoever. The pre show performance he put on at the airport left me not wanting to try to contain the beast for the 10 hours it takes to get to Mexico.. 10 hours on a plane what were we thinking??!

Eventually boarding the plane we all collapse in our seats, Leo in a exhausted heap on my wife’s lap and I am given the window seat. Within minutes of take off Leo is fast asleep and Carli and I are able to enjoy the flight somewhat.

Dreading the moment he wakes up the moment comes with a whimper, because for the remaining 7 hours of our flight he is actually good as gold. He watches a few movies, plays games and even has a nap, I guess the excitement of the holiday was just too much for him!.

We finally land in Cancun and are hit with the humidity, as we step off the plane I can feel my shirt sticking to my back, not a great start. After getting through customs which seemed all too easy, we are greeted with the real issue at Cancun airport… collecting your luggage and then for some reason having your luggage scanned again by security. I will never understand why its scanned leaving the UK they then take your luggage from you, you collect again at Cancun and they scan it again? like, what are they expecting you would have been able to smuggle into your case 30 seconds after collecting it after having been trapped on a plane for hours.

Unfortunately, because of the aforementioned polava at the airport, we had to wait almost two hours to depart. It also caused a significant line-up of passengers, resulting in everyone being on top of one another for two hours, complaining, and becoming even more sticky. Most likely people passing Covid around between groups, oh no wait we were wearing masks so were all fine.\

There is literally nothing exciting between the moment you arrive at the luggage carousel and unpacking your case! as a write this I am sat in the lobby day one late afternoon, watching as couple after couple approach the check in desk, miserable as sin.. usually you’d look at that and say why are you so miserable? but of course, they have just been through Cancun airport which is enough to suck the joy out of Matthieu Ricard (recognised as the world’s happiest man)

We are staying at Planet Hollywood Cancun. first impression of it is a little bit Meh.. in all honesty its a little underwhelming, the images and videos they provide in there marketing material are straight out of Hollywood and as fake as the people that live there. I will come back to you on my overall thoughts but first impression id give it a “I wouldnt come back here out of 10” as I mentioned I am sat in the lobby, and people that have booked the “Star Experience” are greeted into the hotel with the applause and vigar of a death row inmate cheering on his own execution… maybe that’s a little harsh, but it seems a little forced and lacks enthusiasm, if anything the people receiving the welcome seem embarrassed which I am not sure is what Planet Hollywood was going for when they dreamt up that this would be a good idea.

Stay tuned..

Stay blessed everybody and have a fantastic day.

Happiness 

in the Bible, it is said that a rich man entering heaven is like a camel entering the eye of a needle, which is impossible. If you think that heaven is a point in space and a place you go to, then this makes little sense, but if you equate, for academic purposes, that heaven, Nirvana, and enlightenment are the same thing, then you start to see that happiness is a state, and you cannot enter that state while you are distracted by the pitfalls of wealth, the longing for wealth, the disappointment of not obtaining that wealth, or dealing with the consequences of trying to attain wealth immorally. 

In the current state of world affairs, happiness has been hijacked, or rather, the definition of happiness has been hijacked in a way that is prevalent and pervasive. We see the idea of happiness limited to the fleeting nature of consumerism and the physical feeling of bliss. There is really nothing wrong with that concept. It is perfectly acceptable for a person to feed the desires of feeling. After all, they are already within us. The confusion and the long-term definition according to Stoicism is that it can get to the point of being a considerable distraction to the efforts and actions that one needs to take to reach that level of peace and happiness. Social media plays a huge part in blurring the distinction of reality and true happiness, but it is also a convenient excuse, a pin to stick on the donkey.. you can find yourself being digested by your current circumstances battered by the stresses of life, overwhelmed by everything around you but, reality is a construct of your mind that can easily shifted. 

Change signifies and encapsulated the existence of life. Without change, there can be no life, without love , there can be no happiness, and without happiness, there can be no life. This is a cycle that perpetuates within itself and has not been broken to date.

with the absence of change comes complacency – a lack of interest or enthusiasm for something that is happening around you. In fact, it might lead to a feeling of boredom.

When I say that happiness and enlightenment are the same thing, you must understand what these terms mean. Enlightenment means the realisation of true self and true purpose. This is generally when a person has realised there divine nature, not only in themselves but also in everyone else, and have developed a curriculum which they can impart to others so that they may live a fulfilled life.  People have been enlightened for hundreds of years, some reaching enlightenment during their lives and others being born with the knowledge. Some people naturally reach a higher state of being without realising it, but many do not. They spend their entire life striving to realise what they already had all along – true happiness. Others may seek this out vicariously.

I guess the moral of this is happiness is within all of us, create a meaning in your life! creating meaning is what will make you truly happy. 

“If it be not fitting, do it not. If it be not true, speak it not. Ever maintain thine own purpose and resolution free from all compulsion and necessity.” — Meditations, Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus, 180AD

Stay blessed everybody and have a fantastic day.  

A Year On From The BLM Protest 

I’m thinking about what we’ve learnt over the past year since protests erupted in cities all across the West in the name of #blacklivesmatter. Black Lives Matter (BLM) is an organisation that emerged on the internet after the death of Trayvon Martin in 2013, according to Black Lives Matter, “the movement is an ideological and political intervention into a world where black lives are deliberately targeted for demise. It’s an affirmation of Black people’s humanity, our efforts to this society, and our resilience in the face of deadly oppression… But do Black Lives Really Matter or is it popular right now to suggest they do? I genuinely believe that most people in this society (The UK) are good people, in fact it’s often said about the UK that “we are the most open and tolerable society in the world” While I feel that on the whole, it is true, does this imply that the UK is not racist? To me, it feels like receiving a diploma for showing up to class.

Around the time of the riots and protests, I referred to certain of them as riots because that’s what they were, I recall hearing a group of women ask the question “Is it right that these individuals should be demonstrating and not maintaining social distance because I haven’t seen my parents in a few months.” I didn’t use the phrase white women because I find it unpleasant to categorise people as black or white, but to me, that is the very definition of white privilege. My wife doesn’t understand what white privileged is because she isn’t familiar with the concept. I direct her to a video on YouTube entitled “life of privilege explained in a $100 race” (I’d advise everyone to watch it on YouTube; it’s fascinating). I tell her that the reason she can’t comprehend what white privilege is because in life, in our race she would have been starting at the front and me at the rear, and while you’re at the front you only look forward. 

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK, UNITED STATES – 2020/08/28: A participant holding a Black Lives Matter sign at the protest. A coalition of activists and organizations led by activist, poet, and organizer Selu gathered across New York City. The coalition of NYC-based activists and organizations participated on a march through NYC in solidarity with the Get Your Knee Off Our Necks Commitment March on Washington to amplify the movement against police brutality and racial injustice. (Photo by Erik McGregor/LightRocket via Getty Images)

This should be a frightening notion for black families, having children who only want what’s best for them. Consider if you will living with the knowledge of putting your kids into a race in which they have no chance of winning; what must that do to your mentality? as yourself the question.

I believe that my wife is not racist, but she is unquestionably ignorant of the challenges faced by black people. She’s ignorant because she has never been taught about it, growing up in a mostly white neighbourhood in Cheshire to a wealthy white family. My background is opposite to hers; I grew up in a one-parent family in the UK. We weren’t but it defiantly at times felt we were the only black family in the town, 

Here’s a quick sample of some of the things I encountered as a “little black boy” in white Britain:

  • As a youngster, I could never be Lineker or Maradona despite playing like them [coughs], I would have to be Parker or Ince instead or you play football on the playground in school, some of your peers refer to you as banana boy.
  • When you’re younger, you’re friends’ parents may describe you as the little black boy.
  • When you get stopped and searched in the street while walking home from the shop because you “fit the profile” 
  • When your first proper girlfriend tells you “you can come round but just ignore what my dad says because he doesn’t like black people” or the next one puts a shotgun to your head and says “this is what we do with your kind”
  • Or when your walking down the street and a random man who you have never met or seen before in a white van shouts as he is whizzing past you “you black cunt” 

That’s my lived experience… that’s just a snapshot of some of the examples I had to put up with before the age of 18. So am I surprised that my white wife doesn’t understand? Of course not.

The reality is society likes to teach us that we are all equal, I hear the argument that it’s not #blacklivesmatter it’s #alllivesmatter, and whilst of course that’s true! until we start the race from an equal standing then I’m afraid all lives don’t matter. a quick look at real history will teach you that for 400 years the black man has been oppressed by the white man, black people have been systematically killed and held back in the advancement of the white race, and until we truly teach and understand that message and that history how can we moved forward? thinking back to my school days that history was conveniently left out of the history books I was reading, yet they were full of the accomplishments of white folk, the genocide of the native Americans diluted to “the expansion of Europe into the Americas”. BUT should I be surprised? after all history is written by the victors.

Whether you know it or not you are a most probably racist, that meme you shared in your WhatsApp group, that comment you liked on Facebook, that joke you laughed at, your racist because society teaches us it’s ok. Racism exists, it hasn’t gone away it hasn’t got worse it’s the same as its always been.

Complicit! Most people are complicit in racism for not shouting it down when it happens, rather we laugh or we do the British thing of “someone else will say something” I stopped going to Old Trafford because I was sick of hearing it from our own fans on the stands! How is it, then, when one of my fellow Manchester United supporters racially insults a black player, surrounded by hundreds of other fans in a stand with 10,000 people yet I’m left alone to deal with it? That is the life that persons of colour have to live.

I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty, but rather to inform you of the world’s deliberate plan to keep us apart, unless we are willing to accept a global perspective. Racism is real! We may all be complicit every time we fail to challenge racism. I’m not looking for pity; I’m simply requesting that individuals be informed of how society has divided us into distinct categories and the consequences it will have on our lives as a result of having knowledge may help to change things.

That is reality.

A year or so on from Black Lives Matter what have we learnt? 

It shouldn’t take murder before people become outraged or acknowledge that there might, just might be a problem in their own community.

Stay blessed everybody and have a fantastic day.  

Photo by Wendy Wei on Pexels.com

Being Gay 

I’m not ashamed to admit that I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that my brothers and sisters were gay, I struggled with it for the longest time it wasn’t until I realised my feelings on the issue were irrational, illogical and incorrect. I didn’t want to accept that my brothers and sisters were gay because I associated it with something bad, shameful or wrong.

I understood the notion of homosexuality long before I could actually wrap my head around what it meant, because it wasn’t until adulthood that I learned about the many different sexualities available to us today. As a young adult I used to believe there was only Adam & Eve not Adam & Steve, my irrational feelings on this matter has quite possible led me to not really having the relationship with my family members as I probably should have.

Photo by Marcelo Chagas on Pexels.com

I always thought I had been the type of person that loves to be open minded about things I do not fully understand, it turns out I wasn’t, therefore I’ve spent the last few years learning more about this topic. 

After learning more about it, I came to realise how wrong I was for holding these irrational beliefs. Homosexuality is no different than heterosexualty there are gay people and God created all of us equally. The only difference is that some people are attracted to the same sex and others are attracted to the opposite sex…it’s that simple!

Why does that matter? Well if you look at the bible it says “love your neighbour as yourself” (Mark 12:31). By condemning homosexuals you’re completely contradicting what Jesus said in this verse. Of course there are religious zealots who will quote verse after verse “Jesus said this” or “Mark said that” the truth is the bible says nothing on homosexuality, in fact the phrase itself wasn’t even invented until the late 19th century so i’m not sure what Jesus was saying on the matter over a 1000 years before. Being a religious man myself I choose to believe that Jesus wouldn’t have cared much for a person’s sexual orientation, a man that says 

You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

It’s very probable that Jesus would be open to the concept of people loving one another regardless of gender. It’s also pretty hard to believe that there are people out there that base their entire religion on the words of a man who lived over 2000 years ago and are not open minded. 

My life journey has been one full of twists and turns, I have been closed off but now I am not. Imagine if you will for a second that life is a library, and you only read books with titles starting A-F for no other reason than you have been brought up to think that that’s the way all people should read books, is it at all possible your missing out on multitude of life experiences? i’m not saying that accepting people that are gay will open your mind to a world you never knew, however what I am saying is that if you are closed off to homosexuality then I would hazard a guess to say that you are more than likely closed off to a large sway of other things… Open your mind, take a step out of the closet (no pun intended) and into this Narnia of a real world we live in. Life is beautiful when you truly open your soul.

Stay blessed everybody and have a fantastic day.