Life in today’s world is hard for everyone, it’s especially hard for men that somehow for one reason or another have found themselves living out of the home from their children. Many women believe that men go through life with very little cares “out of sight out of mind” but this is a social construct perpetrated in the downplaying of positive male role models. The pain that men go through when being apart from their little ones is insurmountable. This is especially true when the child has been kept away unjustly. 

Society tells us that both parents are equally important in the development of children but this is only true as long as the man provides and lives in the house, as soon as that dynamic shifts, the situation changes then all that seemingly becomes important is how much that man earns and what chunk can be taken to cover his ex’s hair & nail appointments, or trips to costa, of course I know that Child maintenance covers the cost of the everyday care of the child, such as food, clothes and housing but when that is covered yet your still being asked to cover the cost of new shoes for school or new boots for football, it makes you wonder where the money is actually being spent. 

This is what happens when women forget their responsibility to the children they birth. They become hell bent on punishing a man for everything and anything even if it means withholding his child, this in turn creates a cycle of problems eventually resulting in the complete degradation of both parents.

Its difficult to watch grown men struggle to cope with not hearing from the children they love, not hearing from them because it doesn’t suit the ex’s schedule to answer a phone call or allow the children to make a FaceTime call, men that ordinarily appear strong and together, reduced to shells of themselves seldomly opening up to friends about the struggles of everyday life without your kids.

Some men chose to talk, some men bottle it up while others take a different route, the guys that go out and get drunk to try and forget, then there are the ones that lash out and become verbally abusive to anyone that will listen, these are the same men that provide for their children in every other way possible, but still they are seen as deadbeat dads. The cycle needs to stop.

I’ve never seen anything more powerful than a man that is struggling to balance life away from his children, whether he struggles with mental health issues, depression or anxiety. Some of the most loving fathers I’ve had the pleasure to meet are those that struggle, to the outside world you’d never see the struggle but these struggles have manifested in suicide attempts or a loss in confidence that has them downtrodden.

Whether women want to accept it or not, they play a significant role in the statistic that haunts men under the age of 45. Suicide is the biggest killer of men in the UK, most of which are under the age of 45. This isn’t to say that all women are bad, or that all women are the root of all these problems but more importantly it shows that we as a society have to do better by our fathers, sons and brothers.

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