Where do we start with Benidorm? I guess let’s start with first impressions, arriving in Benidorm my head was ringing of the sounds of people telling me that Benidorm was Blackpool in the sun, but walking around the Old Town and the New Town I couldn’t be more surprised to find that it looked nothing like what my imagination had pictured, the Old Town is beautiful with the streets filled with bars and restaurants, old buildings adorning the streets and a beautiful architecture.

The New Town is actually where I would be staying, and it was certainly no disappointment to me, with its towering apartment blocks stretching into the sky coming across as more of a modern city than that of an old town, but it didn’t take away from this resort at all.

Many of Europe’s cities have these fabulous Old Towns which really are amazing much like our very own cobbled street cities of York, Chester and Lincoln. But this isn’t why millions of people a year flock to Benidorm, it’s for the Sun, Beach and cheap, cheap booze.

However…. After dark is where it all changes and the mask truly slips , this is when you see the true Benidorm.

The streets are littered with people partying into the small hours, people vomiting in the streets and fights breaking out left right and centre. This is not my idea of an ideal holiday but I will say that if it’s your kind of holiday then Benidorm is certainly somewhere you should visit.

If one photo sums up Benidorm it is this one…

Taking this photo the toilet attendant asked me “is this your mate” No.. absolutely not I replied, bless him! looks like he’s had a good night though. 

What I will say about Benidorm is, I know it is also famous for women pulling objects our of their vagina.. let me say that again…. Benidorm is famous for women pulling things out of their vagina, Id heard stories of the world famous Sticky Vicky and after 3 mins of watching her daughter pulling things, that let’s face it have no place being in a women’s vagina I was done.. It was an chicken that did it for me, I could watch no more. if your into that sort of thing than fill your boots but its really not for me, I like a women’s vagina as much as the next person but when it starts to resemble Mary Poppins bag and not the glorious forbidden fruit, you’ll have me looking for the exit.

The first night was like most nights on holiday… Mental! drank my body weight in vodka (and believe me that’s a lot) and walking home I decided it would be a good idea to climb a tree, ruining a perfectly good shirt and jeans.

Day 2 was mostly spent on the beach in the glorious sun! your average day in Benidorm is eat, drink, sleep repeat. 

Getting into the sea with a hangover is the most important thing for me on a holiday, for some reason the cold waters of the mediterranean seem to wash away the hang, in the sea I got talking to a group of ladies from ironically… Blackpool! The ladies were in town to celebrate one the groups belated 40th birthday and of course being parents I jumped at the chance to promote my blog and podcast. Sara Jane or Pickles as she likes to be called ended up not being allowed on her flight home, meaning her friends had to leave her, whilst the adventures of Pickles continued in Benidorm for a few more days, whilst she could get tested.   

We had originally decided to come Benidorm because Ady (one half of the podcast) was working just down the coast in San Javier, the plan was originally that me and Andy would come Wednesday and Ady would join us Friday, but after feedback from our first day and night Ady had decided to come out a day earlier.. a decision my liver would not thank me for. Whilst Andy had done the sensible thing and taken the night off, I took Adys first night optimism and used it like it was also my own first night and again went mental! this time finishing the night with Ady asleep outside the hotel and me flooding the room with the shower. 

Safe to say that the holiday continued like this day after day night after night, like I mentioned earlier “Benidorm is eat, drink, sleep repeat”

Whilst we were originally using Benidorm to recharge our batteries (stupid idea I know) Andy had other plans! when he found his holiday romance on day 1, Suze or “Siuuu” (after the famed Ronaldo celebration) as she would be called this for the duration of the holiday (i’m not sure I said her name without using the CR7 celebration) i’m actually not sure if that bothered her but still she got it all the same.. Siuuu was in Benidorm on her own having stayed out there after her friends had left and was still in Benidorm 4 weeks later! Lovely lady from Sunderland but she did steal our friend for the duration of the holiday seeing him only fleetingly for the rest of the holiday.. But Andy was happy that was the important thing after the few years he has had.

Benidorm doesn’t really have a season, it is busy all year long but the “primera pela” is definitely between May – September depending how it goes, I’ve been told. 

Speaking to one of the very few British bar workers, she explained that due to Brexit it is really difficult to get a work permit and citizenship is virtually impossible for the young people of the British Isles, therefore British working numbers have declined over the past 2 years, a far cry from going to Spain in my early 20s when all the bar staff and promoters seemed to be British.

I must tell you about one of the funniest scenes I have seem in my life! on the 3rd night a fight was kicking off outside Beachcomber with a couple of British lads, Ady jumped into to separate it placing one of the lads under arrest! telling them he was undercover British police, which they fell for hook line and sinker it was honestly hilarious.. and I suppose one of those… you had to be there for. 

All in all I would go back to Benidorm but probably for a weekend at most, not because of the people or the bars or the entertainment.. But because of the sun & the beach. The hotels are nice and cheap enough, the flights are so cheap the local people are friendly enough, but importantly the food and alcohol is very cheap. 

I have been to Blackpool… Benidorm is certainly not Blackpool.

Stay blessed everybody and have a fantastic day.  

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