When thinking about writing this blog I was trying to consider some of the things they don’t tell you when you are about to become a dad for the first time, I was thinking hard the cogs were ticking but I realised nobody really tells you anything, in fact the whole build up to the baby arriving was all about “ooooo your gonna have fun changing a nappy” or “get used to shitty nappies” it’s seems like all anyone ever wants to talk about is babies poo, now of course the nappies are bad… but just like getting a tattoo hurts initially , eventually you just become numb to it, now I am even immune to the smell of them. With all that said I decided to compile a list of some of the things they don’t tell you when your becoming a dad, would love some feedback in the comments about things you have come across.
That first moment the baby is born and your child needs a feed
This may be different for each of you but when Leonardo was born Carli was shattered from the birth, whilst we were in the recovery room the nurse passed me Leo and said “right he needs feeding” I wasn’t shown how to do it, I literally had no idea what I was doing, I’d never even really held a baby, I’m just looking at this helpless little boy in my arms looking up at a helpless big idiot not knowing what he was meant to be doing. Get some advice on how to feed a baby before that day comes, I wish I had but I hadn’t even considered that fact that someone other than Carli would be feeding him on day one.
Sleep – what’s that?
The early days are hard due to needing to feed them every 2 to 3 hours, get your sleep in while you can , take it in turns to feed, we bottle fed Leo which meant that we could both take it turns to feed him but also take it turns throughout the night. Lack of sleep can be a huge cause of tension in a relationship because you become prickly when you are tired (speaking for us) and those early days are a real shock to the system, gone are the days of laying in till 10,11 or even 12 on a weekend.
“The first few months are easy”
Ok, nothing about it is easy but when I say easy I mean you can put your baby down and they do not move, which means you can get some rest, do not wish away with thoughts of oh I can’t wait for him to walk or crawl, because that’s when the real challenge starts!
There is no love like it
I know this is a cliché, and every dad I’ve spoken to says the same (other than mine) but there is this really strange thing that happens when your child is born, and it’s really hard to describe but you suddenly get this over powering feeling of utter love and admiration for this child that is about to take over your life, I would find my self looking at him saying ‘I fucking love you” like I said it’s a hard one to describe but I’m fairly sure you will all experience or have experienced it – imagine your favorite team scoring the winning goal in the last min of the Champions League final (think Ole 99) treble that feeling and your somewhere close to the love you feel for your child.
Intimacy between you and your partner
Often a touchy subject in most houses I’m guessing but we can’t ignore it. As men we need to understand that your partners body has been through possibly one of the biggest challenges of their life and sometimes they may take a little longer than others to get over the changes that come along with having a baby and feel confident in their bodies again, this isn’t about you and you must give her time to recover. It will return, you can wait a while but in the meantime all the Hubs are your best friend!
If your a selfish person you need to get over yourself
There is no room to be selfish anymore, I’ve been inherently selfish throughout most of my life, and whether you like to admit it you probably are too, but you need to shrug that off, your life isn’t about you anymore it’s about that child, and ensuring that the child’s life is better than yours. I’ve talked about broken homes in the past but it’s a statistical fact that a child has a better chance of a successful life when raised in a home with both parents, that’s why you can’t be selfish and you need to work on things if they don’t work, you can no longer just run away from you problems as it’s not your life your affecting if you do. Of course selfishness is just one reason children end up in a broken home, of course there are circumstances and situations that cannot be worked out, but we must endeavour to try