Nobody Cares About Dad

I have recently become a football dad—or soccer dad, for my North American friends! My son has reached the age where he’s decided to don the jersey and chase that magical ball of air around a football pitch. Sure, there are the early mornings, the late nights, the wind, and the rain (mostly the rain here in Manchester), and I was prepared for all of that. But what nobody really prepares you for is the parents. The sideline culture is a whole new world, and not always a pleasant one.

As a parent who regularly watches my son’s football matches, I’ve seen firsthand how the sideline can become a noisy battleground of misplaced advice and overzealous coaching. Parents, many of whom have likely never kicked a ball in anger, suddenly morph into self-proclaimed tactical masterminds, channeling their inner José Mourinho. While the intent might be good, the impact on the kids can be anything but.

The Problem with Sideline Instructions

Football, like any sport, is as much about learning and growth as it is about winning. Yet, the constant shouting from parents—“Shoot!”, “Pass!”, “Mark him!”—can overwhelm young players. Instead of focusing on the game, they’re torn between listening to their coach, following their instincts, and appeasing the yelling crowd on the sideline. This cacophony creates confusion, not clarity.

What these parents often don’t realise is that their instructions can hinder development. By dictating every move, they rob children of the chance to make decisions, learn from mistakes, and develop their own understanding of the game. Football is a dynamic, fast-paced sport that thrives on creativity and autonomy. Micro-managing every touch stifles this.

The Hidden Damage

The article “Unknown Damage from the Sideline” highlights the psychological toll of this behaviour. Constant criticism—or even well-meaning advice—can lead to anxiety and a fear of failure. Kids may become more focused on pleasing their parents than enjoying the game. This external pressure can lead to burnout, lower confidence, and ultimately, a loss of love for the sport.

Children need the freedom to make mistakes without the fear of being judged. After all, the best players in the world didn’t learn by doing everything perfectly; they learned by experimenting, failing, and trying again.

Growing up, I had my own journey through football, starting at a Center of Excellence (as they were called back then) at Lincoln City before moving on to the Academy at Peterborough United. Reflecting on those days, I can’t help but think about the parents on the sidelines. Perhaps because I didn’t have a dad there, I wasn’t as tuned into the sideline behaviour, but even so, the atmosphere felt different. The parents back then didn’t seem to mirror the intensity I see today.

I wonder what’s changed. Could it be the enormous sums of money now associated with the game? Has the dream of producing the next Cristiano Ronaldo or Kylian Mbappe turned sideline supporters into high-pressure coaches? Many parents today seem so desperate for their child to “make it” that they lose sight of what truly matters: fostering their child’s love for the game.

Take my own son, for instance. He’s six years old and recently lost a cup final on penalties. Many of the kids were distraught, inconsolable in their disappointment. My son, on the other hand, casually walked off the pitch, shrugged, and went on with his day. It struck me then: the children who were under the most pressure from their parents were the ones most heartbroken.

This level of pressure at such a young age can’t be good for them. Instead of instilling resilience, it risks creating burnout. The joy of the game—the simple act of running, kicking, and playing—gets lost. And isn’t that joy the most important thing? Children need space to fall in love with football on their own terms, not under the weight of their parents’ ambitions.

Trust the Coaches

Most grassroots teams are led by qualified coaches who understand how to nurture young talent. These coaches have plans, drills, and strategies designed to develop skills and teamwork over time. By shouting contradictory instructions, parents undermine the coach’s authority and disrupt the flow of the game.

If you’ve ever tried to work with someone hovering over your shoulder, you’ll understand how demoralising it can be. Now imagine that dynamic at 8, 10, or 12 years old.

What Parents Should Do Instead

So, what’s the role of a parent on the sideline? Simple: be a supporter, not a coach.

1. Encourage Effort, Not Just Results: Praise hard work, resilience, and teamwork, regardless of the scoreline.

2. Stay Positive: A kind word or a cheer can go a long way in building confidence.

3. Leave Coaching to the Coach: Trust that the person on the touchline has the expertise to guide the team.

4. Model Good Behaviour: Children mirror what they see. By showing respect for the players, the referee, and the opposition, you teach your child the importance of sportsmanship.

Let the Game Be Theirs

Watching your child play football should be a joy, not a stressful endeavour. Remember, this is their game, not yours. It’s their opportunity to learn, grow, and—most importantly—have fun. The sideline isn’t your stage to prove tactical genius; it’s a place to cheer, support, and let the game unfold.

As parents, we all want the best for our kids. But sometimes, the best thing we can do is step back, stay quiet, and let them play. Because the most important lessons football teaches—resilience, teamwork, creativity—come not from the sideline but from the game itself.