Cutting the TV in half

We have two TVs in this house, one in the kitchen one in the front room, so what happens when you can’t stand what your wife watches on TV or your wife can’t stand what you watch on TV? Easy answer, one of us watches tv in the front room and one of us watches TV in the kitchen, right? 

Having a child you seldom get time to yourself as it is, so the evenings when the bambino is in bed, if you separate into two separate rooms when do you get time together? I have friends who tell me they often don’t sit together In the evening and whilst sometimes that’s understandable, as a parent you need to make time for each other, so this is where the art of compromise comes in. If you do not spend time together you begin to drift and become like passing ships in the night, saying morning and night with not much in between. 

We have done it (me and Carli) we get so wrapped up in work and parenting that sometimes you forget the reason you had children together in the first place, the reason is you really like each other! But you have forgotten how to speak together, I remember a time a while back where we had got so wrapped up in our own lives that ones night after putting Nardo to bed we sat on our bed and talked for like an hour, after it your left with the sense of “oh yeah, I really like you” its not that you have been thinking the opposite you just haven’t taken the time to sit and talk, sit and reflect, its so important as a couple. Like I said before parenting isn’t easy, in fact its very hard and time consuming and if you allow it too your relationship can become an after thought, which is where it can start to go wrong.

We work on everything! our appearance, the food we are going to eat, work, our friends, your kids, the golf swing! Etc, Yet… many of us neglect and therefore take for granted arguably the most important person, your partner. 

So don’t sit in different rooms because you don’t like what each other watches, compromise, watch something she / he likes,  if you don’t think its great then get a book out use an iPad like all my post’s on Facebook (do that anyway) but stay in the same room at least, don’t take for granted that the relationship you have now will always be there, relationships take work, they take perseverance, and most of all compromise. 

Stay blessed everybody and have a fantastic day. 

Please check out one of my latest videos on YouTube

Nobody is perfect…..

So quit trying to be; with the tragic recent passing of Mick Norcross we are once again reminded of that very real statistic that lingers around young men in this day and age. Stop beating yourself up trying to be perfect you are searching for a reality that doesn’t exist. In our society today we are surrounded by images of perfection on Instagram and Facebook, reading articles and books about how to be the perfect parent, how to be the perfect son, how to be the perfect husband – perfect perfect perfect, but in reality we live in a world where perfect is an unrealistic expectation, social media influencers lives portrayed with filters, edited to create perfection and portraying happiness that is more than often masking despair, as humans we all have imperfections , the best we can do is ensure the that the people around us, our loved ones and the people that care about us the most are not let down by us, try our best after all we only human.

Photo by Designecologist on Pexels.com

I often hear people say “I’m not perfect, I just try my best” but who told them perfect was what we all needed to be? You can drive yourself mad searching for perfection, it can be an insatiable mission one riddled with failure, a never ending pursuit with no chance of finishing, so stop trying, don’t try to be perfect, stop pretending you are instead take stock of everything you have around you, all your achievements, everything you hold dear, ensure your children are smiling, live in the moment forget what anyone else tells you about being a parent ignore what your parents tell you, you don’t need that pressure! we are unique in our own strange ways, what worked for your parents / Aunty / Best Friend etc won’t always  work for you. The philosopher Aristotle marked out our differences over 2,000 years ago. We are “rational animals” pursuing knowledge for its own sake. We live by art and reasoning, he wrote, we must therefore make our own path.

My advice is to just enjoy the ride, having kids is a challenge that nobody or nothing prepares you for it’s a start at a new life, your life is forever changed and so with it you must evolve, forget the person you were before you had children, this is an opportunity to reinvent yourself be the best version of you there is, your goal as a parent should ultimately be to make your child’s life better than yours, remember that your life hasn’t ended ,a new one has just begun.

And to quote Ady from my Virtual Social #1 podcast “always remember things are never as bad as you think they are”

If you haven’t already please check out my latest podcast with Dean and if you could be so kind as to subscribe to my Youtube channel so I can continue to give a voice to dads all over.

Racism in Football – Live virtual Social W/ Allan Ross Nobody Cares About Dad

Racism in football – The lads sit down with Allan Ross who's story featured on BBC news when he was racially abused by a fan during a football match that led to the fan being charged. in the wake of Sunday nights abuse of the young England players this podcast comes at the perfect time.
  1. Racism in Football – Live virtual Social W/ Allan Ross
  2. Dad Chat – Luke Steele – Episode #15 "Sir Alex Ferguson was everything you expect and more"
  3. Lad Chat – Virtual Social #12 – Israel v Palestine, Fred West, Trent Alexander Arnold, Plus Our Teams Of The Year
  4. Lad Chat – Virtual Social #11 – The French Kicking Off, Noel Clark, BJS v Canelo & Football
  5. Lad Chat Virtual Social #10 – DAI MANUEL "Are you being the man you would want your daughter to marry"

My First ever blog!

Watching my father in law open his socks and pack of liquorice on Christmas Day then watching my mother in law open her hundreds of pounds worth of presents it got me thinking… it got me thinking, can it be possible that nobody really cares about dad?  Now of course I’m being facetious when I say that, of course you care about your Dad, but because we just assume men are “ok” is it safe to assume that some men think that nobody cares about them???

A study I have read shows that 40% of children are brought up in a broken home, why Is it so easy for some dads to walk away?  I know my own dad walked away when I was born, he made little or no effort to get to know me as an adult before skulking off back into the shadows, but why is It so easy??? Personally, I couldn’t think of anything worse in my life than not being able to see my son each day, but 40% of children are brought up in a home that is broken. Here is a thought, could it be that Dads think they matter not therefore if I’m here or not what does it matter, its inconceivable that a mother would leave right? but why not a Dad?

Being a new Dad, I now fully understand the pressure of having to provide for your family. I was made redundant back in 2020 just one week before the country went into a National lockdown, However I was lucky enough to walk into a new role and ended up starting my own business this year (that’s another story) but so many Dads around the country have not been so lucky. Is it any wonder that suicide in men aged between 25-45 is at a 20-year high? It Is also the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45. Men are 3 times more likely to kill themselves than women, BUT why don’t we talk about it? I could imagine if said to one of my mates I wasn’t feeling great they would just tell me to man up and get on with it, comical really? But that’s the truth of it isn’t it???

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

In this world there is a huge stigma attached to men talking about mental health issues, when I think about the topic of conversations I have with my friends, it’s usually football, work, movies and if I’m with one of my best friends Pascual it’s probably about Roman antiquities or Ancient Greece. As I sit here now racking my brains about what we usually talk about, I don’t recall a time that I was asked, or asked anyone else “are you ok?” In this masculine society why is it not ok to be ok?? Only we can change this, you never know how just simply asking somebody if they are ok could impact that person’s life for the better, that simple question alone may just be enough to show someone you care.

One of my best friends killed himself in 2005 it completely ripped me apart, for years I wondered what I could have done to change what happened, the harsh reality is probably nothing, but lads let’s start talking to each other. If you’re still reading this I challenge you now to message 3 of your friends and simply say “Hiya mate how are you” if your dad is still around ask him too.

If you are struggling with mental health there is help out there I’ve come across some really good websites like:

https://youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

What is CALM?

Whilst I am not a trained professional If somebody feels like they want to talk or message then you can always message me for a confidential chat.