Misbehaving Children

Listen to this weeks blog here

If you have kids, I’m sure there was a time when you asked yourself “why on earth did we agree to this” even if it was only for a brief instant before the thought entered and left your head space, you know what I’m talking about. It’s that moment when your child is doing something atrocious and you think to yourself “why would they do that?”.

We are currently going through a period I’m sure all parents go through ( at least we are telling ourselves this) that is challenging both mentally and physically, The terrible twos as people call it weren’t even a thing for us, no in fact seemingly what he did was save up the twos and the hell-raising threes and we are now living in the Turd (as my friend and his partner called it) 4s. 

It may come as some comfort to all of you parents out there that “I am not the only one having these misbehaving moments”, although it may be comforting at least for me, ill even admit I have been praying to the baby Jesus asking for help and guidance on this journey.

When it comes to the topic of discipline for children parents couldn’t be more polarised on the subject with half thinking “well it didn’t do me any harm” and the other half opting for time-out areas and gold star charts, but what do you do when non of those options work? where do parents turn to for advice? after all, all humans are so complex and unique in our ways, what works for my son won’t work for yours and vice versa. 

For me the subject of disciplining your child is a minefield, going through it is like your Neo in the matrix (if you’re a fan of the movies you’ll know what I mean if you’re not here is a photo).

Children are so impressionable so if your child is misbehaving do you need to take a look at yourself and how you behave around them? are you giving them enough time or are you glued to your mobile phone in the evenings? 

It’s very easy to plonk your child down in front of an iPad whilst you get on with your online shopping or liking your friend’s eyelash or new car photos but is this leading to the breakdown in behaviour? of course, I don’t know the answer I’m an idiot, I’m just speculating at what it could be. 

I’d be intrigued to hear some stories from you guys on how you handled misbehaving children, what worked for you? what made the situation worse? I would love to know.

Stay blessed everybody and have a fantastic day.  

Pretending

Stop pretending; We go through life on this tiny rock flying through space pretending to be who we are, showing the world a face ,a side ,a persona that isn’t true to you. Most of us never find that happiness that comes from being ones true self, we are always searching for that something else “if I only I got XXXX I could be that, if only I had XXXX I could get that, if XXXX didn’t happen to me I would of made this of my life” it’s human nature to want what we don’t have, most people don’t take any accountability for their own life choices, everything is always somebody else’s fault. 

  • You didn’t graduate from University because somebody died,
  • You didn’t make it as a footballer because because you got injured,
  • You didn’t get the job because the managers hired their friend,

Excuses after excuse.. you didn’t get it because you didn’t work hard enough, plain and simple. Stop pretending, stop living a lie be happy with what you have got and if you can’t be happy with what you have, then change it.

Many of us are not successful by the definition they take from others, yet are wholly successful from what they want in life, when we actually look at it. 

For some people a teacher doesn’t represent success, most teachers doesn’t drive a nice car or live in a big house, but for that teacher the greatest gift in life to them is too teach! You see, stop projecting your idea of success on others, you know nothing of their circumstances their dreams or their drive. 

Stop pretending life is perfect when you know deep down its not, life is about moments, and if your living this fantasy life you may miss your moment, in life there are moments when opportunities present themselves, you just have to take that leap of faith and jump. 

Spot your opportunity, I took my mine I stopped pretending, I saw my window and I changed my story… My life was mapped out much differently to the one I live now, I grew up in a council house and left school with no real qualification, my first few years of work saw me working in Tesco and factories around Grantham, if im truly honest my life sucked! But I decided this can’t be my life, I told myself “I am destined for greatness”

Growing up success for me looked like a 40k salary, a Mercedes and a house I owned, I’d look at that pictures and say wow.. I have exceed my expectation and some, but because I saw my window and went for it. I don’t write this to brag or willie wave, but to show you can change the destiny of your story. 

Sometimes life beats you up, knocks you down and that’s ok because it’s what we do after that struggle that defines us, many of us take those knocks sit and cry but I chose to fight. 

Please check out our latest podcast:

Cutting the TV in half

We have two TVs in this house, one in the kitchen one in the front room, so what happens when you can’t stand what your wife watches on TV or your wife can’t stand what you watch on TV? Easy answer, one of us watches tv in the front room and one of us watches TV in the kitchen, right? 

Having a child you seldom get time to yourself as it is, so the evenings when the bambino is in bed, if you separate into two separate rooms when do you get time together? I have friends who tell me they often don’t sit together In the evening and whilst sometimes that’s understandable, as a parent you need to make time for each other, so this is where the art of compromise comes in. If you do not spend time together you begin to drift and become like passing ships in the night, saying morning and night with not much in between. 

We have done it (me and Carli) we get so wrapped up in work and parenting that sometimes you forget the reason you had children together in the first place, the reason is you really like each other! But you have forgotten how to speak together, I remember a time a while back where we had got so wrapped up in our own lives that ones night after putting Nardo to bed we sat on our bed and talked for like an hour, after it your left with the sense of “oh yeah, I really like you” its not that you have been thinking the opposite you just haven’t taken the time to sit and talk, sit and reflect, its so important as a couple. Like I said before parenting isn’t easy, in fact its very hard and time consuming and if you allow it too your relationship can become an after thought, which is where it can start to go wrong.

We work on everything! our appearance, the food we are going to eat, work, our friends, your kids, the golf swing! Etc, Yet… many of us neglect and therefore take for granted arguably the most important person, your partner. 

So don’t sit in different rooms because you don’t like what each other watches, compromise, watch something she / he likes,  if you don’t think its great then get a book out use an iPad like all my post’s on Facebook (do that anyway) but stay in the same room at least, don’t take for granted that the relationship you have now will always be there, relationships take work, they take perseverance, and most of all compromise. 

Stay blessed everybody and have a fantastic day. 

Please check out one of my latest videos on YouTube

Nobody is perfect…..

So quit trying to be; with the tragic recent passing of Mick Norcross we are once again reminded of that very real statistic that lingers around young men in this day and age. Stop beating yourself up trying to be perfect you are searching for a reality that doesn’t exist. In our society today we are surrounded by images of perfection on Instagram and Facebook, reading articles and books about how to be the perfect parent, how to be the perfect son, how to be the perfect husband – perfect perfect perfect, but in reality we live in a world where perfect is an unrealistic expectation, social media influencers lives portrayed with filters, edited to create perfection and portraying happiness that is more than often masking despair, as humans we all have imperfections , the best we can do is ensure the that the people around us, our loved ones and the people that care about us the most are not let down by us, try our best after all we only human.

Photo by Designecologist on Pexels.com

I often hear people say “I’m not perfect, I just try my best” but who told them perfect was what we all needed to be? You can drive yourself mad searching for perfection, it can be an insatiable mission one riddled with failure, a never ending pursuit with no chance of finishing, so stop trying, don’t try to be perfect, stop pretending you are instead take stock of everything you have around you, all your achievements, everything you hold dear, ensure your children are smiling, live in the moment forget what anyone else tells you about being a parent ignore what your parents tell you, you don’t need that pressure! we are unique in our own strange ways, what worked for your parents / Aunty / Best Friend etc won’t always  work for you. The philosopher Aristotle marked out our differences over 2,000 years ago. We are “rational animals” pursuing knowledge for its own sake. We live by art and reasoning, he wrote, we must therefore make our own path.

My advice is to just enjoy the ride, having kids is a challenge that nobody or nothing prepares you for it’s a start at a new life, your life is forever changed and so with it you must evolve, forget the person you were before you had children, this is an opportunity to reinvent yourself be the best version of you there is, your goal as a parent should ultimately be to make your child’s life better than yours, remember that your life hasn’t ended ,a new one has just begun.

And to quote Ady from my Virtual Social #1 podcast “always remember things are never as bad as you think they are”

If you haven’t already please check out my latest podcast with Dean and if you could be so kind as to subscribe to my Youtube channel so I can continue to give a voice to dads all over.

Arjuna Ishaya Episode #30 Journey in to becoming an Ishaya Monk Nobody Cares About Dad

This week we sat down with Arjuna, Arjuna is an Ishaya Monk, if you are wondering what an Ishaya monk is then listen in to get the inside scoop, listen to ways of dealing with anxiety and a fresh way of thinking for life.   Author of the book "200% an instruction manual for living fully"  https://www.amazon.co.uk/200-Instruction-Manual-Living-Fully-ebook/dp/B07K4W6QPX
  1. Arjuna Ishaya Episode #30 Journey in to becoming an Ishaya Monk
  2. Gerard Long Episode #29 Dealing with the death of 2 of your children & dying for 30 mins
  3. Beth Webster Episode #28 ”Everything In Texas Is Bigger & Better”
  4. Being Gay In Today’s Society (April 2022)
  5. Jason Sotiris Episode #27 Founder & CEO of Supertee

My First ever blog!

Watching my father in law open his socks and pack of liquorice on Christmas Day then watching my mother in law open her hundreds of pounds worth of presents it got me thinking… it got me thinking, can it be possible that nobody really cares about dad?  Now of course I’m being facetious when I say that, of course you care about your Dad, but because we just assume men are “ok” is it safe to assume that some men think that nobody cares about them???

A study I have read shows that 40% of children are brought up in a broken home, why Is it so easy for some dads to walk away?  I know my own dad walked away when I was born, he made little or no effort to get to know me as an adult before skulking off back into the shadows, but why is It so easy??? Personally, I couldn’t think of anything worse in my life than not being able to see my son each day, but 40% of children are brought up in a home that is broken. Here is a thought, could it be that Dads think they matter not therefore if I’m here or not what does it matter, its inconceivable that a mother would leave right? but why not a Dad?

Being a new Dad, I now fully understand the pressure of having to provide for your family. I was made redundant back in 2020 just one week before the country went into a National lockdown, However I was lucky enough to walk into a new role and ended up starting my own business this year (that’s another story) but so many Dads around the country have not been so lucky. Is it any wonder that suicide in men aged between 25-45 is at a 20-year high? It Is also the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45. Men are 3 times more likely to kill themselves than women, BUT why don’t we talk about it? I could imagine if said to one of my mates I wasn’t feeling great they would just tell me to man up and get on with it, comical really? But that’s the truth of it isn’t it???

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

In this world there is a huge stigma attached to men talking about mental health issues, when I think about the topic of conversations I have with my friends, it’s usually football, work, movies and if I’m with one of my best friends Pascual it’s probably about Roman antiquities or Ancient Greece. As I sit here now racking my brains about what we usually talk about, I don’t recall a time that I was asked, or asked anyone else “are you ok?” In this masculine society why is it not ok to be ok?? Only we can change this, you never know how just simply asking somebody if they are ok could impact that person’s life for the better, that simple question alone may just be enough to show someone you care.

One of my best friends killed himself in 2005 it completely ripped me apart, for years I wondered what I could have done to change what happened, the harsh reality is probably nothing, but lads let’s start talking to each other. If you’re still reading this I challenge you now to message 3 of your friends and simply say “Hiya mate how are you” if your dad is still around ask him too.

If you are struggling with mental health there is help out there I’ve come across some really good websites like:

https://youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

What is CALM?

Whilst I am not a trained professional If somebody feels like they want to talk or message then you can always message me for a confidential chat.