Bill and Melinda Gates seemed like the perfect couple! They have intelligent kids, all of the money in the world, a foundation that’s trying to save planet Earth – yet after 27 years of marriage they are closing up shop! What’s key then for this long lasting relationship? Are relationships really meant to last that long anyway.. if I think about myself over the past 20-years I’ve changed as a person so much throughout the years. I’m not even sure who “Marco” is anymore, because he’s evolved into this new and different character that could be unrecognisable to someone from 15 years ago! So if you change your personality and body shape over time – why would we assume our partner will still like us? Sometimes the person you love and care about changes. Maybe they like different things, or become a totally different person than who they were early on in your relationship. It’s important to understand that people change over time; our goals shift as we grow into ourselves and experience new challenges throughout life. As such, it’s not very fair for us to expect someone from years ago (or even months ago) – with their current personality- will still be compatible with us today!
It is a statistical fact that 70% of unmarried couples break up within the first year. This statistic comes from love being blind and causing chemical reactions in your brain which make you overlook certain traits about your partner until it’s too late. As it turns out, people in love are really bad at seeing the negative traits of their significant other. After all, Love is blind and causes a chemical reaction that can make your partner look perfect to you even if they’re not! The honeymoon period lasts only so long before we start seeing things for what they truly are- which eventually leads us to break up with our partners because we just don’t feel as strongly about them anymore. Once you start to become a cohesive team, your chances of success increase. When the honeymoon phase wears out and you make it past infatuation (lust), like in Love Island, then your odds are even better for making it work long-term because there’s less drama between teammates.
The good news is that if you make it past the honeymoon period, your chances of making things work increase even more. The love experiment by psychologists suggests that when couples get married after living together for a while (i.e., they’ve already hit the infatuation level), their odds of staying in love with each other are much higher than if they hadn’t known one another before getting married.
“Once you reach the point where all the wild emotions have settled down, then you’re left to deal with reality,” Dr. Arthur Aron, a psychologist at Stony Brook University wrote . “This may be why people who fall in love later tend to last longer.”
So whats the answer to long lasting relationship? It’s beginning to look like the solution is waiting with dating until you’re older, wiser and surer of yourself.
Even with all this research in hand, though, most agree that there is no magic formula for achieving happiness in love. “There are plenty of miserable couples who dated for 3 years or more before getting married,” says Dr. Aron . “So you can’t just say it’s good to wait.” So maybe the best thing we can do is try our hardest not to rush into things — whether that means waiting 6 months before introducing each other to our friends, or 6 years before saying “I do.”
According to science , scientists think people should date between three and four years before getting married to ensure a successful, long lasting partnership.
Stay blessed everybody and have a fantastic day.